Obituary Limericks

James Farentino

2012-01-26T23:53:00.000-06:00

Actor James Farentino's career started with promise, but never really caught fire. He appeared in dozens of movies and TV shows, including "The Final Countdown." The four-time divorcee was arrested in 1994 for stalking ex-girlfriend Tina Sinatra, daughter of Frank.

Farentino was a promising kid,
but his life wound up taking a skid.
And stalking Frank's daughter?
That could lead to slaughter.
We're surprised James lived as long as he did.

Joe Paterno

2012-01-22T10:35:00.000-06:00

Joe Paterno was the head coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions from 1966 to 2011. He holds the record for the most victories by an NCAA football bowl subdivision coach, and coached five undefeated teams. He was fired by college trustees after long-time assistant coach Jerry Sandusky was arrested for child sexual abuse.

JoePa's list of achievements was deep,
and his downfall made Penn State fans weep.
You may win lots of games,
but you'll go down in flames
if you're covering up for a creep.

Etta James

2012-01-20T11:21:00.000-06:00

Singer Etta James bridged the gap between rhythm and blues and rock and roll, and was a six-time Grammy winner. Hits included "Dance with me, Henry," "Tell Mama," and "At last."

Like many great soul singers of the past,
her appetite for heroin was vast.
But you've got to pay your dues,
if you want to sing the blues.
Etta's gone to her final rest, at last.

Cecil Pond

2012-01-07T15:44:00.000-06:00

Cecil Pond, founder of Wheel Horse Products, was the inventor of the riding lawn mower. His company was sold to American Motors, then to Toro.

He made lawn mowing a task you don't dread.
He lived a long life, but now he is dead.
Now he can be found,
resting underground,
as his invention drives over his head.

Bob Anderson

2012-01-05T15:54:00.001-06:00

Bob Anderson was an Olympic fencer, and spent five decades working as a sword master, fight director and stunt performer. He appeared in many of the film world's most famous dueling scenes, including two of the original three Star Wars films.

His career stretch back to Errol Flynn.
He helped Darth Vader fight (but not win).
Bob was quite dashing
while thrashing and slashing.
'Twas the best with a blade there has been.

Kim Jong Il

2011-12-18T23:57:00.005-06:00

North Korea's dictator has long been a thorn in the side of not only South Korea, but most of the free world. The fear now is that his oppressive regime will merely be passed onto his groomed son.

Kim Jong Il's final breath has been taken
Those just south might have hope reawakened
For Kim was quick with a threat
knew how to make the world sweat
but now his third son might keep us all shakin'.

Christopher Hitchins

2011-12-16T00:03:00.000-06:00

Christopher Hitchins was a columnist and literary critic, best-known for penning the atheist manifesto "God is Not Great."

Old Christopher quickly dismissed
a God he claimed didn't exist.
But his disagreeing
can't stop God from being,
and now I'll bet Hitchins is pissed.

Harry Morgan

2011-12-07T12:21:00.004-06:00

Actor Harry Morgan was best-known for his role as Col. Sherman T. Potter on the television series "M*A*S*H." He also appeared in more than 100 films, many of them westerns, and played Officer Bill Gannon in "Dragnet."

His M*A*S*H doctors were never a bore,
and his show longer than the real war.
He shared screen time with Klinger
and Jack Webb (that right-winger),
And now Harry has passed through death's door.

Bil Keane

2011-11-10T00:18:00.009-06:00

Cartoonist Bil Keane was best known for his long-running "Family Circus" newspaper cartoon, which debuted in 1960 and is still the most widely syndicated cartoon panel in the world.

Though gremlins may mock it as benign,
millions thought Bil's cartoon was divine.
He's left his drawing board
and gone to his reward,
at the end of his life's dotted line.

Heavy D

2011-11-10T00:02:00.005-06:00

Rapper Dwight Arrington Myers, known as "Heavy D," released several successful albums, including "Big Tyme." He performed the theme songs for the TV shows "In Living Color" and "MADtv." Heavy D died at age 44, reportedly after the super-sized rapper had suffered respiratory distress.

The rap business can be a killing spree.
Lead can fly when two artists disagree.
Dwight had to be tough
to live long enough
to die just from being Heavy D.

Joe Frazier

2011-11-09T23:49:00.006-06:00

Smokin' Joe Frazier was the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion of the world in the early 1970s. He fought Muhammad Ali and George Foreman three times each, beating both men once and losing to each of them two times.

The "Rumble in the Jumble" was thrilling.
"Thrilla in Manila" nearly killing.
Sometimes Joe was smokin'
but other times choking.
He's gone now, and George is still grilling.

Andy Rooney

2011-11-05T06:59:00.004-05:00

Andrew "Andy" Rooney was a radio and television writer who was best remembered for his weekly broadcast "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney", on the CBS News program 60 Minutes.

Rooney commentaries seemed to flow
And his eyebrows continued to grow
He believed there's no God
So his life's end is odd:
All dressed up and no place to go

Belle Towles adds:

Andy Rooney was curmudgeon defined

His career allowed him to speak his mind

Opinions from Rooney

Were thoughtful to looney

Did his eyebrows keep him spiritually blind?

Moammar Gadhafi

2011-10-20T12:00:00.001-05:00

moammar gadhafi was the type of human slime that didn't mind killing scores of innocent people just to make a misguided point. Oh, he was also the leader of Libya. He's listed here, so he's finally dead.

There once was a man named gahafi
Who killed innocents over Lockerbie
His days of fear and dread
Ended with a bullet in the head
May he burn in Hell for eternity

Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T18:55:00.011-05:00

Steve Jobs was the co-founder of Apple Computer and Pixar. His impact on the world of home and mobile computing will be felt for years to come.

Today is truely a day of gloom
Steve made home computers bloom
His effect went afar
From Apple to Pixar
Now he'll rest in his iTomb.

Belle Towles added:

Jobs was imaginative and innovative to the core
Just go to the mall and visit the Apple Store
Steve imagined it
Apple created it
Thanks for Pixar, Mac, ipod, ipad, iphone, and more....

Mort Reimer added:

Steve's iPod was great for Apple stocks,
and his iPhone drew fans in great flocks.
Sure, Apple will live on,
but its core now has gone
in a sleek brushed aluminum box.

Arch West

2011-09-26T20:44:00.003-05:00

Arch West was a Frito-Lay executive and is credited with creating Doritos snack chips after eating fried tortilla chips while on a family vacation. His family plans to sprinkle Doritos at his graveside service.

When fried tortillas passed his lips
Arch knew that Fritos he would eclipse
They put Doritos in his grave
To remind us of what he gave
It is time so say Good-bye Mr. Chips

Jani Lane

2011-08-12T08:56:00.000-05:00

Jani Lane was the lead vocalist, and the major catalyst for the glam metal band Warrant, popular for such albums as Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich and Cherry Pie.

Jani Lane was Warrant's front guy
One more singer that had to die
Stinking Rich he had gotten
It's a shame, Dirty Rotten
Maybe he choked on the Cherry Pie

Amy Winehouse

2011-07-24T13:07:00.004-05:00

English singer-songwriter was known for her drug and alcohol abuse and mental health issues.

There was once a soul singer on the rise.
The way she used drugs and booze was unwise.
To rehab she was told to go,
but Amy just said, "No, no, no."
Her death should surely come as no surprise.

Rob Grill

2011-07-15T12:58:00.003-05:00

Rob Grill was a lead singer, songwriter and bass guitarist of the 1960's and 70's band The Grass Roots.

Grill's old band had many disputes
His career involved many pursuits
But Rob suffered a stroke
Which caused him to croak
Now he's singing again with the Grass Roots

Sherwood Schwartz

2011-07-15T12:52:00.004-05:00

Sherwood Schwartz was an American television producer who started his career in radio in the 1940s. Not only did he create the classic television series Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch, he also wrote their famous theme songs.

Here's the story of a man named Sherwood
Who was busy writing scripts and tunes for Hollywood
Wherever Schwartz landed
He's is forever stranded
Would he return to this isle if he could?

Mort Reimer added:

Though best known for a famous shipwreck,
Schwartz wrote lots of other TV dreck.
His viewers he would strand
in TV’s vast wasteland.
We hope it didn’t darn him to heck.

Betty Ford

2011-07-08T20:43:00.002-05:00

Betty Ford was the wife of President Gerald Ford and served as First Lady from 1974-1977. Once addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs, she later founded the Betty Ford Center For Substance Abuse and Addiction.

For being the first lady there was little reward
But Betty faced her addictions on her own accord
She quit hitting the bottle
But still ran at full throttle
93 years is a long run, especially for a Ford

Peter Falk

2011-06-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

Peter Michael Falk was an American actor, best known for his role as Lieutenant Columbo in the television series Columbo and for his role as the Grandfather reading to his grandson in The Princess Bride. He appeared in numerous films and television guest roles and was twice nominated for Academy Awards.

Your voice of gravel, never crisp
Your squinty right eye we will miss
Though it was made of glass
You wore it with class.
Hope your new home is "As you wish"

(Contributed by Fatall E. Flaud)

Ryan Dunn

2011-06-21T07:14:00.004-05:00

Ryan Dunn gained fame as a reality television personality and stunt performer, best known for being a member of The Jackass series.

Some say Ryan's life had just begun
A life of thrilling and dangerous fun
But he went to a bar
Then drove his car
Which explains why this Jackass is Dunn

Leonard Stern

2011-06-20T12:14:00.008-05:00

Emmy Award-winning screenwriter Leonard Stern wrote for such classic series as "Get Smart" and "The Honeymooners," but is perhaps best known as the co-creator of "Mad Libs," a fill-in-the-blank template word game.

There once was a [noun] from [place name]
who made up an [adjective] game.
His [adjective] blurb
said he really could [verb].
He's now in the [noun] hall of fame.

James Arness

2011-06-05T07:04:00.000-05:00

James Arness played the iconic Marshal Matt Dillon who presided over the frontier town of Dodge City as television’s most enduring western hero in the television western "Gunsmoke".

(Submitted by Jude)

There once was a man from Dodge City

His best gal was the fare Miss Kitty

His sidekick, the bestest

Was a fella named Festus

Mr. Arness, we hope your sittin' pretty.

Jack Kevorkian

2011-06-03T08:00:00.014-05:00

Jack Kevorkian was best known for publicly supporting a terminal patient's right to die via physician-assisted suicide. He claimed to have assisted at least 130 patients to end their lives, saying "dying is not a crime." He died in a hospital after years of kidney problems, and liver cancer.

Jack created a national divide
By offering assisted suicide
His court defense failed
So he ended up jailed
But natural causes are why he died.

Mort Reimer added:

The gravely ill into death's arms he would shoo,
But for him? "Do as I say, not as I do."
Think he wasn't a quack?
Well then you don't know Jack.
Doctor D's murderous sleaze is now through.

Belle Towles added:

Death by assistance was Kevorkian's plan
He carried it out in a Volkswagen van
The Doctor of Death
Took his finally breath
So who decided his, was it God or man?

Jeff Conaway

2011-05-27T15:03:00.006-05:00

American actor Jeff Conaway was best known for his role as Bobby Wheeler in TV's "Taxi," and as Kenickie is the movie "Grease." He struggled with addictions to cocaine, alcohol and prescription painkillers, and appeared on "Celebrity Rehab."

He was best-known as Kenickie in Grease,
but his drug use led to career decrease.
Bobby caught his final fare,
hope he had time to prepare.
Perhaps Conaway is finally at peace.

Memento Mori added:

There once was an actor name Conaway
He was in Grease and Taxi back in the day
But the demise of an addict
Is too easy to predict
And that's why Jeff has now gone away

"Macho Man" Randy Savage

2011-05-20T12:06:00.002-05:00

Macho Man" Randy Savage (Randy Poffo), was an American professional wrestling icon and actor, best known for his time with the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) and World Championship Wrestling (WCW).

The Macho Man fought many a foe
As a pro wrestler he gave a great show
"Ohhhh Yeeeh" is what he'd say
Until a tree got in his Jeep's way
Then all he said was "Ohhhh Noooo!"

Harmon Killebrew

2011-05-17T18:59:00.008-05:00

Harmon Killebrew, nicknamed "Hammerin' Harmon," was a Major League Baseball player. His 22- year career (mostly with the Minnesota Twins) included time at first base, third base and left field, but he was best known as a homerun hitter. He hit 40 homeruns in a season eight times.

He played baseball in the years before Twitter.
Played for more than two decades -- he's no quitter.
Harmon was a class act,
that is simply a fact.
Guess the Angels needed a power hitter.

Osama bin Laden

2011-05-01T22:20:00.010-05:00

Osama bin Laden was the founder of the Islamist jihadist group Al-Qaeda, and was responsible for the 9-11 terrorist attacks on the U.S.

In terrorist rants he was posting,
Osama often seemed to be boasting.
Though the search for bin Laden
sometimes seemed to be ploddin',
We're delighting he finally is roasting.

Memento Mori added:

death to the infidels was his wish
and terror was his favorite dish
but he's eaten his last meal
thanks to a brave Navy Seal
Now he's just food for the fish

Sidney Lumet

2011-04-09T16:10:00.005-05:00

American film director Sidney Lumet made over 50 films, including "12 Angry Men," "Dog Day Afternoon," "Network," and "The Verdict."

Sidney Lumet made 12 angry men roar,
and Paul Newman a lawyer to abhore.
He even made Pacino gay
in his movie "Dog Day."
Dead as hell, he needn't take it any more.

Harry Coover

2011-03-29T10:22:00.008-05:00

Chemist Harry Coover was best known as the inventor of Super Glue. He starred in a commercial that showed him suspended from an I-beam by a single drop of his glue.

They say pride often leads to a fall
His glue made him the envy of all.
But it wasn't a murder --
he just fell off that girder.
Guess he wasn't stuck up after all.

Geraldine Ferraro

2011-03-26T13:24:00.008-05:00

As Walter Mondale's running mate, New York's Geraldin Ferraro became the first female major-party vice presidential candidate in the U.S. Her candidacy was dogged by questions about her husband's business dealings.

It wasn't wisdom that drew us her way,
or experience that held us in sway.
All she did to impress
was look good in a dress.
She was the Sarah Palin of her day.

and

While her hubby was no mafia don,
there was a mess for the press to feed on.
She was a strong running mate,
but that guy Fritz was dead weight,
They both lost in a landslide to Ron.

Belle Tolls adds:

Blazing a new political trail,
Ferraro rode shotgun with Mondale.
A woman as vice?
Voters didn't think twice.
But cancer's what caused her epic fail.

Elizabeth Taylor

2011-03-23T10:03:00.002-05:00

Liz Taylor was an English-American actress who started her career as a child star.She grew to be known for her acting talent and beauty, as well as her Hollywood lifestyle, including many marriages and support of many activist causes.

As a child Liz starred with a horse
Her love life was filled with remorse
She was a little wacko
Like her friend Jacko
The only man she didn't divorce.

(with help from cmh...)

and a friend sent this:

Her talent was always immense-ski,
and her beauty, they say, could transcend-ski
But to her friends in the biz
she was just known as "Liz
Taylor-Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Burton-Warner-Fortenski."

Michael Gough

2011-03-17T17:34:00.004-05:00

British character actor Michael Gough was best known to American audiences for his recurring role as Bruce Wayne's butler Alfred Pennyworth in four Batman films, beginning in 1989.

As "Alfred" he could solve the Dark Knight's

laundry issues (resulting from fights).

He was known for discretion,

which leaves us this question:

Now who's going to wash Batman's tights?

Mike Starr

2011-03-08T22:12:00.005-06:00

Mike Starr was a founding member of the Seattle grunge band "Alice in Chains." A skillful bassist, he spent most of his musical career battling and writing about the struggles of drug addiction.

Heroin addiction will always destroy brains
For a certain bassist it was only too plain
Although Mike was a Starr
and his career took him far
This "Rehabbed" Celeb's no longer in Chains.

Jane Russell

2011-03-01T09:08:00.005-06:00

Hollywood actress Jane Russell was launched into stardom in the Howard Hughes film "The Outlaw," which showcased her voluptuous figure. (Hughes is said to have designed a cantilever bra" for her.) In her later years, she was best known as a spokeswoman for Playtex "cross your heart" bras.

Russell helped Playtex sell "Cross my hearts."

Her screen roles were not seen as fine arts.

Though her movies were rotten

she won't be forgotten.

She's remembered for her two big parts.

Jack LaLanne

2011-01-23T21:57:00.007-06:00

Jack LaLanne was an exercise and nutritional expert known as the "Godfather of Fitness." He was known for amazing feats of strength, including swimming 1.5 miles while pulling 80 boats at age 80.

Jack LaLanne was an incredible jock.
His feats of strength in old age were a shock.
His bowels were looser,
thanks to his juicer.
LaLanne is dead, but still hard as a rock.

Belle Tolls Added...

We know Jack Lalanne had a flair
With 60's housewives and a chair
Before the fitness craze came
Exercise had been Jack's game
But will he wear leotards up there?

David Nelson

2011-01-11T23:35:00.004-06:00

David Nelson was the last surviving member of the long-running family sit-com "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet." The program began on the radio in 1944 and portrayed the daily life of bandleader Ozzie Nelson, his wife, and children. It moved to TV in 1952 and ran until 1966. The program, which presented an idealized family, took its toll. David admitted, "It's an awfully big load to carry, to be everybody's fantasy family."

The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet

captured cast members' lives like a lariat.

When David admitted

some strife was omitted,

he came off like Judas Iscariot.

Don Tyson

2011-01-08T10:18:00.002-06:00

Don Tyson built his family's poultry company into the world's largest meat producer. Every week its chicken plants process more than 42 million chickens.

Don built his family company with brawn.

In global agri-biz he was no pawn.

And we finally can decode

why the chicken crossed the road.

Perhaps it was to get away from Don.

Gerry Rafferty

2011-01-05T09:45:00.002-06:00

Gerry Rafferty was a Scottish born singer\ songwriter best known for his solo hits "Baker Street" and "Right Down the Line", and "Stuck in the Middle" with the band Stealers Wheel.

Gerry is remembered for Baker Street
Stuck in the Middle had a nice beat
But if it's booze you pursue
That choice will leave you
Light in your head and dead on your feet

Blake Edwards

2010-12-16T18:08:00.002-06:00

Writer and director Blake Edwards was best-known for his series of "Pink Panther" films, featuring a bumbling French detective.

Watching comedies written by Blake

led to laughter that never was fake.

His films mocked the French --

that makes him a mensch.

(But "Son of" was kind of hard to take.)

Elizabeth Edwards

2010-12-08T10:32:00.002-06:00

Elizabeth Edwards was the wife of John Edwards, the former U.S. Senator from North Carolina and 2004 Democratic vice-presidential nominee. Mrs. Edwards was also a public speaker and activist for politically left views.

Elizabeth was a dame with class
In her honor we will raise a glass
Her views were to the left
And of life she is now bereft
Too bad John her ex is such an ass

Belle Towles says:

Elizabeth's life was marred with personal strife--
Death of a child, cancer, betrayal as a wife.
Her character showed resiliency
That will be her legacy
For tragedy didn't define her life

Don Meredith

2010-12-06T10:09:00.004-06:00

Don Meredith was a college and NFL quarterback, playing 9 seasons in the NFL for the Dallas Cowboys. When he retired from football he became a football commentator and actor.

Dandy Don rests under the clover
He was only a Cowboy, not a team rover
Now that he's gone
Let's sing for Don
Turn out the Lights, the party's over.

Irvin Kershner

2010-11-29T13:31:00.003-06:00

Irvin Kershner was an American film director and occasional actor, best known for directing Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Never Say Never Again and RoboCop 2.

There once was a man named Irvin
Whose life has now come to an end
So cut him some slack
If the Empire Strikes Back
'Cause he'll never say never again

Leslie Nielsen

2010-11-28T20:44:00.023-06:00

Canadian actor and comedian Leslie Nielsen is best known for his roles in the films "Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun."

Leslie Nielsen can take his final bow.
His great straight man brought us laughter-and how.

For the grave he's now fit.

For the grave? What is it?

It's a hole, but that's not important now

Ben Taken added:

As an actor he never seemed surly

He timed his comedy purely

His life is now done

And so are his puns

I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

A friend sent this:

Written off as a hack (we all thought so).

Had the balls to come back (I mean matzo).

Showed the world he could speak

with his tongue in his cheek,

and sing like Enrico Pilazzo!

Sparky Anderson

2010-11-05T08:31:00.006-05:00

George Lee "Sparky" Anderson was a Major League Baseball manager who led the National League's Cincinnati Reds (known as "The Big Red Machine) to the 1975 and 1976 World Series championships, and did the same for the 1984 the Detroit Tigers of the American League. When he was announced as the Red's manager in 1969, he was a virtual unknown. Although he led the Tigers to a world championship, he was shown the door for not managing "replacment players" during the 1994 players' strike.

Sparky was unknown when he first hit the scene
But winning championships was almost routine
Though he was the Red's all-time hero
The Tigers treating him like a zero
Now he manages the Big Dead Machine.

James Wall

2010-11-05T08:22:00.002-05:00

James Wall was Captain Kangaroo’s neighbor Mr. Baxter on the children’s show and a longtime stage manager for CBS News. The former vaudevillian joined the Captian 1962 as a stage manager before persuading the show’s producers to create its first black character in 1968. He played Baxter and another recurring roll until 1978. Wall was also a stage manager for several CBS broadcasts over the years, including “60 Minutes,’’ “Face the Nation,’’ and the US Open Tennis Championships.

He was friends with the Capt. and Green Jeans
But no more will his face here be seen
Passing on at 92
A fine how do you do
Hope he went to a place that's quite keen.

(Submitted by Fatall E. Flaud)

Alexander Anderson Jr.

2010-10-28T14:31:00.003-05:00

American cartoonist Alexander Anderson Jr. created the characters Rocky the Flying Squirrel, Bullwinkle, and Dudley Do-Right. However, Anderson was not directly involved in "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" because he did not want to move from San Francisco to Los Angeles to work with childhood friend and business partner Jay Ward. Anderson later successfully settled a lawsuit against Jay Ward Productions, and is now acknowledged as the creator of his characters.

His creations made him seem an oddy,

and his treatment by Jay was quite shoddy.

But as Boris might say

to Natasha someday,

"Now Alex has busied his last body."

James MacArthur

2010-10-28T14:18:00.004-05:00

American television actor James MacArthur was best known for his role as Danny "Danno" Williams, top aide to Steve McGarrett, leader of the fictional Hawaii state police squad "Hawaii Five-0." The classic '70s TV series is back on the air in a CBS remake.

When the detecting and fighting was done,

Steve would say, "Book 'em Danno, murder one!"

But while Five-0 lives on

as a new CBS spawn,

James MacArthur's reached the end of his run.

Bob Guccione

2010-10-20T23:28:00.003-05:00

Bob Guccione was the founding publisher of Penthouse magazine, and one of America's most prominent pornographers. He was known for pushing the boundaries of taste, leading his industry in an ongoing lowering of standards.

Guccione was anything but clean
He was known for a smutty magazine.

When on one fateful day,

his life was snatched away,

the gaping hole that he left was obscene.

Tom Bosley

2010-10-19T15:20:00.006-05:00

Tom Bosley's acting career was highlighted by his hugely popular role as Richie Cunningham's father on television's nostalgic, top-rated 1970s comedy series "Happy Days". Later in life, he did numerous television commercials, most notibly one for Glad Bags.

Tom Bosley's eyes would often sag

On Happy Days he played a windbag

Mr. C had no remark

When the Fonz jumped the shark

Maybe he'll be burried in a giant Glad bag

Barbara Billingsley

2010-10-16T18:00:00.006-05:00

Barbara Billingsley had a long career as an actress both on the big and small screen. She is probably best known as Ward Cleaver's wife on "Leave it to Beaver." She got to show her comedic side more later in life with appearances on "Mork and Mindy" and a role in the 1980 film "Airplane."

As June Cleaver she made motherhood come alive.
While raising Wally and the Beave, we saw her thrive.
But on that fateful day
As that Airplane did sway
We saw she was also quite gifted in Jive.

Mort Reimer said...

Barbara Billinglsy was mom to the Beaver
In pearls and heels she could give young men fever.
She was a babe in her day,
as Eddie Haskell would say,
"You're looking lovely today, Mrs. Cleaver."

Benoit Mandelbrot

2010-10-16T17:07:00.007-05:00

French-American mathematician Benoit Mandelbrot was largely responsible for developing the field of fractal geometry. A fractal is a geometric shape that can be split into parts, each of which is at least a rough approxmation of the original shape, in an endlessly repeating series. Fractal geometry has applications in a variety of fields, including medicine, topography and data compression.

Thinking defined Benoit Mandelbrot.
Benoit thought and he thought and he thought.
His recursion was pretty,
but now, it's a pity,
he's gone, gone, gone, and we are distraught.

Tony Curtis

2010-09-30T08:05:00.005-05:00

Born Bernard Schwartz in Manhattan New York, Tony Curtis grew up poor in the Bronx during the great depression. He worked his way to the top of Hollywood to become one of it's biggest and most popular stars, working in both comedic and dramatic roles. Tony Curtis is also the father of film actress Jamie Lee Curtis.

The time has come to bid Tony adieu

He acted in comedies and dramas too

He's gone away

So to him we say

Good luck, may the Schwartz be with you!

Greg Giraldo

2010-09-29T19:23:00.003-05:00

Greg Giraldo was best known for celebrity roast appearances. He was also a judge on Last Comic Standing.

Comedy is what Giraldo loved most
More popular celebs he'd often roast
He made a hard landing
After Last Comic Standing
He's dead because he overdosed

Edwin Newman

2010-09-15T23:10:00.008-05:00

Edwin Newman had a prolific career as a television and print journalist. From 1961 to 1984 he worked for NBC. After leaving NBC he spent time with PBS and as a freelance interviewer, narrator and moderator. He was also well known for his humor and his love of the English language, which were very evident in his best-selling books.

Strictly speaking Edwin once ruled NBC
As a moderator he helped us understand policy
In front of the camera he shined
Though in books he often whined
But he never looked as funny as Alfred E.

Ted Stevens

2010-08-10T16:33:00.002-05:00

Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) was the longest-serving Republican member of the U.S. Senate. He lost a bid for reelection in 2008 after being found guilty of seven counts of failing to report gifts (a conviction that was later vacated due to prosecutorial misconduct). Stevens was widely mocked for his description of the Internet as a "series of tubes," although technology writers later acknowledged that it was an apt metaphor, particularly on the context of "net neturality" discussions. Stevens died in a plane crash.

Ted may not have declared all of his loot,

but sometimes memory fails an old coot.

He was mocked for saying "tubes"

by some pundits and boobs,

but that unfair mockery we refute.

Daniel Schorr

2010-07-27T08:11:00.003-05:00

Daniel Schorr's journalism career spanned six decades, and included stints as CBS, CNN and NPR. He reported on the cold war, and was on Nixon's infamous "enemies list."

At the networks our Daniel was top drawer.

His cold war was no bore -- he was hard core.

When he crossed Richard Nixon,

his taxes needed fixin'.

And now Daniel has reached the other shore.

David Warren

2010-07-27T08:03:00.003-05:00

David Warren was an Australian scientist, best known for inventing the "black box" flight data recorder.

If some birds smack your airplane in flocks,

or you find yourself crashing on rocks

Dave's flight voice recorder

will take your last order

before you wind up in a black box

George Steinbrenner

2010-07-13T08:58:00.004-05:00

George Steinbrenner was owner of the New York Yankees. He was a very hands-on owner, making game-day decisions and hiring and firing (and sometimes rehiring) managers. He also instituted strict grooming policies for his employees, and is said to have played a big role in driving up the price of free agents in baseball.

George Steinbrenner will find death pretty odd
now that he finally rests beneath the sod.
No more player acquiring,
no more Billy Martin firing,
and decisions made by a bearded God

Senator Robert Byrd

2010-06-28T07:04:00.006-05:00

Robert C. Byrd was a West Virginia Democrat who became the longest-serving member of Congress in history.

Senator Byrd had a Southern tone
And term limits he would never condone
Spending he would not cork
Thus he was the "Prince of Pork"
The money's gone and this Byrd has flown

Jimmy Dean

2010-06-18T18:01:00.005-05:00

Jimmy Dean was a country music singer, television host, actor and businessman. Early in his career he was famous for his #1 hit "Big John". At his death he was probably best known as the creator of Jimmy Dean Sausage.

"Big John's" singer was a really good guy,
And many wonder what caused him to die.
Perhaps he just liked to eat
a lot of his breakfast meat
and his cholesterol was just too high.

Rue McClanahan

2010-06-04T16:51:00.005-05:00

Rue McClanahan played a man-crazy Southern belle in the popular 1980s sitcom "Golden Girls". Her co-stars were Betty White as well as the late Bea Authur and Estelle Getty.

The Golden Girls was her popular show
From stage to TV, she was a real pro
Bea was the first to die
Then Estelle said "Good-bye"
That's three girls down and just one left to go

Dennis Hopper

2010-05-29T15:38:00.002-05:00

American actor Dennis Hopper directed and starred in the countercultural classic "Easy Rider." Other roles included characters in "Blue Velvet," "Hoosiers," "Apocalypse Now" and "Speed."

In the movies he was an outsider,

and of memorable roles a provider.

As old Dennis Hopper

rides off on his chopper,

we must now say, "Farewell, easy rider."

Gary Coleman

2010-05-28T14:20:00.002-05:00

American actor Gary Coleman was best known for his role as Arnold Jackson on the sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes," and the catch phrase "What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Lifelong kidney problems contributed to his short stature. His later years were marred by bankruptcy and arrests for assault and disorderly conduct. He died after falling and hitting his head.

Gary Coleman's short life leaves little doubt

that someone's fortune and fame can run out.

He whacked his own head,

and then wound up dead

not knowing what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

Art Linkletter

2010-05-26T18:13:00.002-05:00

Art Linkletter hosted the popular TV shows "People Are Funny" and "House Party" in the 1950s and 1960s. He was also famous for his book, "Kids Say The Darndest Things" .

Art was one of TV's kings
His wit and humor gave him wings
Maybe we can get a look
At his after-life book...
"The Dead Say The Darndest Things"

John Shepherd-Barron

2010-05-20T06:58:00.005-05:00

John Shepherd-Barron, a native of Scotland, is credited with inventing what is now termed the Automatic Teller Machine or "ATM". He devised his creation in the 1960's after being locked out of his bank.

When John's cash was running thin
The bank was closed, to his chagrin
Now he's reached the other shore
But will he open Heaven's door?
Only if he can recall his PIN!

Lena Horne

2010-05-13T10:53:00.007-05:00

Lena Horne was a actress, singer and performer. At 16 Horne joined the chorus of the Cotton Club and became a nightclub performer before moving to Hollywood. She is best know for her films Cabin in the Sky and Stormy Weather. During the Red Scare era she was blacklisted and unable to get work in Hollywood.

As an actress Lena was said to be sly
Her humor and whit were known to be wry
She made Joe's blacklist
And she's sure to be missed
Now that she gone to her Cabin in the Sky

George Nissen

2010-04-18T12:24:00.003-05:00

American gymnast George Nissen was the inventor of the modern-day trampoline.

He gave the world high-flying charms

and set off parental alarms.

And now all can see

his sad legacy:

broken necks. sprained knees, busted arms.

Daryl Gates

2010-04-16T17:16:00.007-05:00

Daryl Gates is best known for his work as chief of police in Los Angeles during the Rodney King riots, and was widely criticized for racial insensitivity. He is considered the father of the SWAT team, and was the founder of DARE, a widely adoped yet ineffective drug education program.

His DARE program just doesn't work.

His SWAT teams sometimes go berserk.

And now our Chief Gates

his verdict awaits.

Turns out he was kind of a jerk.

Eddie Carroll

2010-04-16T16:54:00.004-05:00

Although Cliff Edwards originated the role of Jiminy Cricket in Disney's original "Pinocchio" movie, Eddie Carroll spent much of his career providing the voice of animated character after Edwards died. (Edwards, not Carroll, sang "When you wish upon a star.")

A career based on Jiminy Cricket

Bought our Eddie a house with white picket.

When you wish upon a star,

Edwards dies and you go far.

Sadly, now time has punched Eddie's ticket.

Gene Kiniski

2010-04-16T15:31:00.005-05:00

Gene Kiniski, was a professional wrestler who's career spanned 5 decades. He proclaimed himself "Canada's greatest athlete", but was best known as The Villain's Villain.

Kiniski was wrestling's villain's villain
His opponents would always take a drillin'
Though he thought himself great
Gene has met his final fate
So now a deep hole he's fillin'

Meinhardt Raabe

2010-04-09T20:46:00.003-05:00

Meinhardt Raabe played the Munchkin coroner in "The Wizard of Oz." He was the last surviving member of the cast who had any significant dialogue in the movie.

He is not only merely dead,

but really most sincerely dead.

The late Meinhardt

played just one part,

but to a life of fame it led.

John Forsythe

2010-04-02T14:51:00.002-05:00

American stage, film and TV actor John Forsythe, starred in three TV series: "The Bachelor Father," "Charlie's Angels" (as unseen millionaire Charles Townsend), and the 1980s prime time soap opera "Dynasty."

On Dynasty he'd wheel and deal.

As Charlie his babes had appeal.

And now that John's dust,

his friends surely trust

he's saying "Hello angels" for real.

Robert Culp

2010-03-24T19:48:00.002-05:00

Robert Culp was an American actor best known for his role as Kelly Robinson on television's "I Spy," in which he co-starred with Bill Cosby. "I Spy" was the first American television drama to feature an African-American in a lead role.

As a spy he filled enemies with dread,

and broke TV's color line, then widespread.

Now Bob's gone away

and so we must say,

"I spy, with my little eye, someone dead."

Fess Parker

2010-03-18T17:56:00.007-05:00

Fess Parker was an American actor best-known for his portrayals of Davey Crockett and Daniel Boone.

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
Fess was a man, a real man, that was he.
He made coonskin caps cool
with all the kids in school,
and kilt him a b'ar, but now he's debris.

He PingPing

2010-03-16T10:11:00.006-05:00

He Pingping, of China, was the shortest man on earth (2 feet, 5.37 inches). He had become a recognized figure across the world, often taking part in shows, photo shoots and other events.

He was short and people would always stare
Primordial dwarfism his growth did impair
Though he's now laid to rest
I'm sure people will still jest,
"So He, how's the weather down there?"

Peter Graves

2010-03-14T21:25:00.003-05:00

Peter Graves was an American actor best known for his roles as Captain Oveur in the "Airplane" movies, and as Jim Phelps, team leader on television's "Mission Impossible."

Impossible missions he never ducked.

As an "Airplane" pilot he really sucked.

Good day Mr. Phelps,

and now, if it helps,

in five seconds this rhyme will self-destruct.

Merlin Olson

2010-03-11T11:33:00.002-06:00

Merlin Olson was a defensive star for the Los Angeles Rams and is a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. After retiring from the game he turned to acting, portraying Michael Landon's sidekick on "Little House on the Prairie," starring as "Father Murphy," and doing comercials for FTD flowers.

He turned offensive lines to debris.

From him frightened quarterbacks would flee.

Now under the prairie,

he's no longer scary.

To send flowers, just call FTD

Corey Haim

2010-03-11T11:21:00.003-06:00

Actor Corey Haim came to stardom as the title character in "Lucas" and was one of the teen heartthrobs in 1987's vampire thriller "The Lost Boys." He had since struggled with addictions to prescription pills and cocaine, and his death may have resulted from an accidental overdose.

Young fame brought Corey Haim little joy,

for it gave him the means to destroy

the life that he wanted.

Instead he was haunted.

In the end, he really was a lost boy.

Bruce J. Graham

2010-03-09T09:31:00.004-06:00

Architect Bruce J. Graham was best known as designer of Chicago's 110-story Sears Tower (now Willis Tower), the tallest building in the U.S. He also designed Chicago's 100-story John Hancock Center with its distinctive X-marks.

Graham put his "John Hancock" on the city.

The view from Sears Tower sure is pretty.

Now the Sears name is out.

What is Willis is talkin' 'bout?

The name's gone. So is Graham. It's a pity.

Alexander Haig, Jr.

2010-02-20T08:22:00.005-06:00

Alexander Haig, Jr. was a U.S. Army general who served as Secretary ot State under President Ronald Reagan and White House Chief of Staff under Presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. He is best remembered for wrongly believing he was in control of the White House after the attempted assassination of Reagan.

Al Haig served his country far and near.
He jumped into battle; showed no fear.
Now that he's seen his last day
at Heaven's gate will he say,
"As of now, I am in control here!"?

Doug Fieger

2010-02-14T16:42:00.010-06:00

Doug Fieger was the lead singer for The Knack, a power-pop quartet best known for their hit "My Sharona."

He was never gonna stop, but he's done.
He had a knack for pop songs that were fun.
Doug loved her persona,
that gal named Sharona.
She made his motor run, his motor run.

Memento Mori ads:

Doug Fieger sang for the Knack-sharona
Staying on top was a game in his mind-sharona
He thought he'd never stop
or even give it up
But with cancer its just a matter of time-sharona

Walter Frederick Morrison

2010-02-11T23:48:00.005-06:00

Walter Frederick "Fred" Morrison was best known as the inventor of the Frisbee, an idea he says he got while throwing a popcorn can lid around with his girlfriend. Although Yale students had also discovered that pie pans from a local bakery made a good throwing object, Morrison successfully commercialized the concept.

The modern college student, we can see,
chase Fred's toy harder than their degree.
His fast-flying disc
gives fun, at the risk
of being smacked in the face with a Frisbee

Captain Phil Harris

2010-02-11T07:10:00.009-06:00

Phil Harris gained notoriety as the tattoed Captain of a crabbing boat featured on the reality program "Deadliest Catch". Harris was noted for his salty "old school" approach to crabbing and his incredible drive and determination.

When it came to crabs Caption Phil caught a batch
His rival's load he would often outmatch
He was as rugged and tough
As he was vulgar and gruff
But it was a clot that was his most deadly catch

J.D. Salinger

2010-01-28T13:03:00.004-06:00

American author J.D. Salinger was best known for his novel The Catcher in the Rye, and for his extreme reclusiveness. He gave his last public interview in 1980.

To the author of "Catcher in the Rye,"

we bid a perhaps overdue goodbye.

He spent his life hiding,

in few friends confiding,

Did he live? Or just preemptively die?

Pernell Roberts

2010-01-27T12:41:00.006-06:00

Pernell Roberts starred as Adam Cartright in TV's "Bonanza", and shocked audiences when, at the height of its popularity, abruptly quit the program. He then found fame again years later on "Trapper John, M.D."

His work on Bonanza was really swell
But as Trapper John his mojo fell
When considering his fame
And pondering his name
Why would they christen a baby "Pernell"?

Glen W Bell

2010-01-18T14:26:00.002-06:00

Glen W. Bell was the founder of the Taco Bell fast-food chain.

Glen W. Bell gave us gastric disorder
With fake mexican food and a drink with our order
He made money by the ton
For thinking outside the bun
But now he's made his last run for the border

Art Clokey

2010-01-09T11:50:00.006-06:00

Art Clokey was a pioneer in the field of stop-motion clay animation, best known for his popular "Gumby" television character, and for the "Davey and Goliath" series he produced for the Lutheran church.

He made our friends Gumby and Pokey.
They helped make young lives okey-dokey.
In his gentle way
he shaped more than clay.
We bid fond farewell to Art Clokey.

Curtis Allina

2010-01-05T11:00:00.003-06:00

Candy company executive Curtis Allina is best known for pioneering the molded-head-topped Pez candy dispenser.

He was a candy maker's vice prez.
His invention is why everyone says,
"Although Curtis is dead,
if you pop back his head,
he will spit out a pellet of Pez."

Col. Robert Lewis Howard

2009-12-30T07:53:00.002-06:00

Retired Col. Robert Lewis Howard, at the time of his death was the most decorated American soldier. He served in the US Army from 1956 to 1992, was nominated three times for the Medal of Honor and was awarded it once. For his bravery in Vietnam during a mission to rescue a missing soldier in enemy territory. He was wounded 14 times in Vietnam and was awarded eight Purple Hearts.

About Col. Howard what can you say?
His heroic actions often saved the day
He earned his Purple Hearts

When he crushed the ramparts
So as an old solder, he'll just fade away.

Connie Hines

2009-12-22T19:40:00.006-06:00

Actress Connie Hines was best known for her role as Wilbur's wife on the 1960s television comedy "Mr. Ed, " which featured a talking horse.

Her best role involved a talking horse.
For big fame that was her only source.
She crossed the finish line
at age 79.
Connie Hines is gone, of course, of course.

Chris Henry

2009-12-17T11:22:00.004-06:00

Chris Henry was a wide receiver for the Cincinnati Begals. Henry was one of the Bengals’ most prolific touchdown makers ever in a brief star-crossed career. In and out of trouble, he was once released by the Bengals for his off-field antics, but re-signed for the 2008 season.

The Bengal's Chris Henry made his own bad luck
On the field and in life he just ran amuck
He could catch any throw
But he just didn't know
Don't mess with a toss from the back of a truck

Oral Roberts

2009-12-15T20:58:00.010-06:00

Oral Roberts was a pentecostal minister and pioneering televangelist, best known for his work as a faith healer and for his controversial fundraising.

For funds he was always appealing
with promises of divine healing.
It could be that Oral
now hears angels choral
sing, "Buddy, you spent your life stealing."

Cursing makes some folks complain.
A "gosh" or a "geez" causes pain.
But it's weasels like Oral
whose schtick is immoral.
Now that's taking God's name in vain.

Gene Barry

2009-12-10T22:02:00.004-06:00

Actor Gene Barry starred in "Bat Masterson," where he played a well-dressed frontiersman who bested villians with his wits and gold-handled cane rather than gunplay. He also starred in "Burke's Law" and "The Name of the Game."

As Bat Masterson he used his brain
and he treated his foes with disdain.
If they were still mean
he could often be seen
whacking jerks on the head with his cane.

Soupy Sales

2009-10-23T06:06:00.005-05:00

Soupy Sales was a comedian and radio\TV personality. He was best known for his kids' television show, Lunch with Soupy Sales which featured comedy sketches that often ending with Sales delivering or receiving a pie in the face.

The time has come for Soupy to die
He made us laugh, but now we cry
Kids loved him a bunch
Watching him during lunch
Let's hope he's buried with a pie

Captain Lou Albano

2009-10-15T00:11:00.014-05:00

"Captain" Lou Albano was a professional wrestler, best known as an antagonistic manager of other wrestlers, for putting rubber bands in his beard, and for his collaborations with rocker Cyndi Lauper.

As a wrestler Lou Albano had clout.
As a rocking' manager he broke out.
He put bands in his beard,
and it made him look weird.
Now Lou Albano has been counted out.

Memento Mori added:

Captian Lou's redoric was full of wind
And news of his passing left his fans chagrinned
He was a wrestling show stopper
With sidekick Cyndi Lauper
But now he's been eternally pinned

Henry Gibson

2009-09-20T06:44:00.008-05:00

Henry Gibson was an actor and songwriter, probably best known as a cast member on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In in the 1960's, often reading poetry with the opening "A poem, by Henry Gibson". He was also well known for his recurring role as Judge Clark Brown on Boston Legal.

He took his name from Henrik Ibsen
And gained his fame on TV's Laugh-In
His role was Judge Clark Brown
When cancer took him down
No more poems, by Henry Gibson

Mary Travers

2009-09-16T22:10:00.014-05:00

Mary Travers was a member of the pop-folk music group "Peter, Paul and Mary," best known for their songs "Leaving on a Jet Plane," "Puff the Magic Dragon," "If I Had Hammer" and "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"

Our love for folk music was hard to explain,
though singers like Mary made it less insane.
With a dragon named puff,
she may have puffed other stuff.
Mary's left us, but not on a jet plane.

Patrick Swayze

2009-09-14T20:55:00.006-05:00

Actor Patrick Swayze was best known for his roles in "Dirty Dancing," "Ghost," "Point Break" and "Road House." He died of pancreatic cancer.

In "Dirty Dancing," his pelvis would thrust,
inciting girls in the audience to lust.
Best known as a dancer,
now a ghost (due to cancer)
now it's ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

MEMENTO MORI Added...

Swayze's moves put ladies in a trance
His eyes pierced their hearts like a lance
After starring as a Ghost
His career began to coast
And now he's doing the eternal dirt dance